I was one of about ten men among more than a thousand women at the Filia conference in Portsmouth this weekend.
My role there and in general was to listen and learn. Where I am invited to contribute, with my work, time, energy, whatever talents, abilities and influence I can bring, and of course, what money I have to donate, I am happy to.
Contrary to the views of the people protesting outside, the conference wasn't all about the trans/womens rights issue. Actual sex was discussed. Forced sex, coerced sex, paid for sex, the pregnancies which arise from sex; and consensual sex between women was on the agenda. Along with all the other issues that the women at conference wished to complain about and offer solutions to.
Many of the solutions involve me, men, my sex class, shutting up for a bit, standing aside and letting women get on with it.
You may be aware of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle. That you cannot observe something without changing it. I as a man, can never know what a women-only space is actually like. Re Heisenberg, as soon as I am in that space, it is no longer women-only. I, by being there, have changed it. I think I now have a better understanding of it, having spent a couple of days in an overwhelmingly female space.
One thing I noticed about this 99% womens space, is that it can be very sweary.
I have two possible reasons for why this is...
1. There is a social norm or stereotype about womens behaviour and language, about being demure, well-behaved and ladylike. Away from the male gaze, and attempted or real male control, there is a freedom, no-one is there to say "You can't say that, it's not ladylike"
2. And I think this is overwhelmingly the most important reason.
Women are very angry. Absolutely livid.
To paraphrase any number of conversations I had or heard over the weekend…
-
We are angry that these men keep finding new ways to demean us.
We've been telling them, demanding, since the 60s, 70s, for ever. Every time we think we are making some progress, some new thing comes along. Some new way to do the age old thing. To take away our rights, our spaces, our voices and our control over our own bodies. And abusing, raping and killing us. All the time.
But this time it is being done by beardy ‘woke’ men claiming to be so caring and ‘being nice’, and then claiming to be doing it for us rather than to us, and all in the supposed name of feminism.
And every time we stand up and complain about it, we are either vilified, ostracised, belittled or sidelined, told to not be so hysterical and finally, ignored.
Well we’re sick of it. It stops now. We will fight it, and keep fighting it, all the way until it is stopped.
-
Honestly fellas, and anyone who wasn’t there, who may never have heard women speak out like this (or have ignored it). This is actually what it was like a lot of the time.
I had a great weekend. I do like a bit of well-directed rage, and between the raging, it was a really good laugh and very interesting.
I don't really 'identify' as a politician. I am a fairly lowly Labour local councillor. Women from all parties were at the Filia conference, and complained of their struggles within all of the parties to be listened to on these issues.
I will make sure that, in every decision I make, personally or as part of the Labour group in Merton, that we take account, and really consider the actual lives of the women we seek to represent. Half of the electorate.
One of the best things which could happen, I think, is that actual politicians, those more influential than me; MPs, MSPs, AMs, Peers, Council leaders, and especially people in leadership positions (Keir, I am looking at you), could witness or otherwise come to realise the extent of this fury. And take note. And change. Or lose.
I definitely preferred the sweary version!